[Scene: Joey's Apartment, Joey is reading a script as Ross and Chandler enter carrying a basketball.]

Chandler: Hey Joe! You wanna shoot some hoops?

Joey: Oh no, I can’t go. I’m practicing; I got an audition to be the host of a new game show.

Ross: Oh cool!

Chandler: That’s great.

Joey: Yeah-yeah, and if I get it by day I’ll (In a sexy voice) Dr. Drake Remoray, but by night I’ll be (In an announcer’s voice) Joey Trrrribbiani!

Chandler: You’ll be perfect for this! That’s already your name!

Joey: But the audition’s in a couple hours and I don’t even understand the game.

Ross: Well do you want some help?

Joey: Oh really? That’d be great! You guys can be the contestants!

Ross: Awesome!

Chandler: Okay, I guess we can lose to junior high girls some other time.

Joey: (announcer voice) All right! Let’s play Bamboozled!

Chandler: Bamboozled?

Joey: Yeah, isn’t that a cool name?

Ross: (simultaneously with Chandler) Yeah!

Chandler: (simultaneously with Ross) No!

Joey: All right. Uhh, okay. Our first contestant is Ross Geller. Why don’t you tell us a little something about you Ross?

Ross: Well uh, I-I’m a paleontologist. Umm, I-I live in New York. I have a son Ben. Uh, hi Ben! (Waves.) And uh…

Joey: I said a little bit Ross. Now, how about you Chandler?

Chandler: Well Joey, I’m a headhunter. I hook up out of work Soviet scientists with rogue third-world nations. Hi Rasputin! (Waves.)

Joey: Excellent! Let’s play Bamboozled! Chandler, you’ll go first. What is the capital of Columbia?

Chandler: Bogota.

Joey: It’s Ba-go-ta, but close enough. Now, you can either pass your turn to Ross or pick a Wicked Wango card.

Chandler: What does a Wicked Wango card do?

Joey: I should know that. Let’s see, just one moment please. Umm, here we are, a Wicked Wango card determines whether you go higher or lower.

Chandler: Higher or lower than what?

Joey: This is embarrassing. (Looks it up.)

Chandler: (To Ross) Can you believe how lame this is?

Ross: I’m sorry, I don’t believe contestants are allowed to talk to each other.

[Scene: Joey's Apartment, the guys are still playing Bamboozled.]

Joey: All right Ross you’re in the lead, would you like to take another question or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?

Ross: The wheel has not been my friend tonight Joey. Uh, I’ll take another question.

Joey: Okay, this is gonna be tough. Hold your breath.

Ross: It’s okay, I’m ready.

Joey: No dude, you gotta hold your breath until you’re ready to answer the question.

Chandler: This is ridiculous, he’s not gonna hold his breath… (Ross cuts him off by taking a deep breath and holding it.)

Joey: Okay, what do you have a fear of if you suffer from this phobia, Tris…Holy cow, that’s a big word. Trisc… Seriously look at this thing. Chandler, how do you say that?

Chandler: Let me see that.

Joey: This one right here. (Ross whines.)

Chandler: Triscadecaphobia.

Ross: (exhaling) The fear of Triscuts!

Joey: No! No, fear of the number 13.

Chandler: Fear of Triscuts?

Ross: It’s possible, they have really sharp edges.

Joey: All right Chandler, you’re up.

Ross: Wait a minute, I-I believe I’m entitled to use my Angel Pass for a free turn?

Chandler: This game makes no sense!

Ross: Y’know what? You’re just upset because you’re losing.

Chandler: Oh come on Ross, I think we’re all losers here.

Joey: All right. Chandler, you can either spin the wheel or pick a Google card.

Chandler: Let me think. Let me think—Oh! I don’t care.

Joey: You-you must choose Mr. Bing.

Chandler: Either, it makes no difference.

Joey: Choose, you jackass!

Chandler: I’ll take a card.

Joey: Okay, you picked the Gimmie card! You get all of Ross’s points!

Ross: What?!

Chandler: This game is kinda fun.

Ross: (To Chandler) You don’t think it’s a little crazy that you get all my points just ‘cause you…

Chandler: I don’t think the contestants are supposed to speak to each other.

[Scene: Joey's Apartment, the guys are still playing the game only everyone is really into it.]

Joey: (To Chandler) In what John Houston film would you hear this line, "Badges? We don’t need no stinkin’ badges!"

Chandler: Treasure of the Sierra Madre!

Joey: Correct! There’s a possible backwards bonus!

Chandler: Madre Sierra the of Treasure!

Joey: Yes!

Chandler: I’d like to go up the ladder of chance to the golden mud hut please.

Joey: Wise choice, how many rungs?

Chandler: Six!

Joey: (makes a sound like a monkey) That noise can only me one thing.

Chandler: (disappointed and simultaneously as Ross) Hungry monkey.

Ross: (excited and simultaneously as Chandler) Hungry monkey! (To Chandler) Haaa! (To Joey) I’d like a Wicked Wango card!

Joey: Okay, it’s an audio question, name this television theme song. (Starts humming the theme to I Dream of Genie.)

Ross: (thinking) Oh. (Pause) Oh! Oh my God! Okay, I know this, give me-give me a second!

Chandler: Tell it to the Time Turtle!

Ross: Shut up! I Dream of Genie!

Joey: Yes! Yes, you’re back in the lead!

Ross: I’d like to spin the wheel!

(Joey makes a sound like a game show wheel spinning with the pointer bouncing off of the bars on the wheel as it slows and comes to a stop.)

Chandler: (annoyed) Oh come on!!

Joey: All right! All right! Uh, umm, Super-Speedy Speed round!

Ross: Is there a hopping bonus?

Joey: Of course!

(Ross gets up and starts to hop on one leg.)

Joey: Who invented bifocals?

Ross: Ben Franklin.

Joey: Correct! Which monarch has ruled Great Britain the longest?

Ross: Queen Victoria.

Joey: Correct again! But, you forgot to switch legs between questions, so no hopping bonus!

Ross: Noooo!!! Every time!!!

Joey: Now, over to Chandler.

Chandler: I’d like a Google Card.

Joey: Are you sure?

Chandler: Yes! (Pause) No! (Pause) Google!

Joey: Oh my God! Congratulations Ross, because Chandler, you’ve been Bamboozled!

Chandler: Nooo!!

Ross: Yeah!!

Chandler: This is the best game ever!!!

[Scene: Joey’s Audition, Joey is being shown in.]

Man: Hey Joey, hi! I’m Ray; I’m the producer of the show.

Joey: (announcer voice) It’s a pleasure to meet you Ray.

Ray: And this is Duncan (points to the cameraman) and Erin, they’re gonna help us out with the audition. So uh, let’s get the camera rolling.

Joey: (announcer voice) Rightie-O Ray!

Ray: Whenever you’re ready.

Joey: (to the camera) Hello, I’m Joey Tribbiani! Let’s play Bamboozled! Erin, you get the first question! In hockey, who is known as The Great One?

Erin: Wayne Gretzky.

Joey: Correct! Now, would you like to pick a Wicked Wango card or spin the Wheel of Mayhem?

Ray: Uh Joey, didn’t your agents give you the revised rules? We’ve eliminated all of that. No wheel, no cards.

Joey: What—Why?!

Ray: Uh well, the game was too complicated and research showed people didn’t follow it.

Joey: Well what’s complicated? You spin the Wheel of Mayhem to go up the Ladder of Chance. You go past the Mud Hut through the Rainbow Ring to get to the Golden Monkey; you yank his tail and boom! You’re in Paradise Pond!

Ray: Yeah all that’s gone. It’s basically just a simple question and answer game now.

Joey: Well what’s fun about that? You expect me to be the host of a boring game that’s just people standing around answering questions?

Ray: Well, there’ll be women in bikinis holding up the scores.

Joey: (announcer voice to the camera) Let’s play Bamboozled!

[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is helping Rachel study for when the baby comes.]

Rachel: (closing a book) Okay! I’m ready.

Ross: You sure?

Rachel: Yes, I’ve done my studying and I really know my stuff.

Ross: All right then. (Gets up, in an announcer’s voice) Rachel Green! Let’s play Bamboozled! (Reading from a note card.) How do you test the temperature of the baby’s bath water?

Rachel: Uh, put your elbow in it.

Ross: Excellent! How do you put a baby down for a nap?

Rachel: Full, dry, on its back, and no loose covers.

Ross: That’s correct! This is an audio question, what do you do when the baby makes this sound? (Makes a sound like someone is choking a cat.)

Rachel: Check if it’s wet, check if it’s hungry, burp it!

Ross: Excellent! Excellent, now-now do you want another question or a Wicked Wango card?

Rachel: A card! A card! I pick a card!

Ross: Oh, I’m sorry you’ve been Bamboozled! You’re gonna be a terrible mother! (Rachel stares at him agape.) I’ve lost sight of why we’re doing this! (Rachel gets up and walks away.)