[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is there as Phoebe and Rachel enter wearing workout clothes.]

Ross: Hi!

Phoebe: Hey!

Ross: Hey, what have you guys been up to?

Phoebe: Ohh! We went to a self-defense class today!

Ross: Wow!

Rachel: Yeah, kicking a guy in the crotch all morning really takes it out of ya!

Joey: Takes it out of you? (Laughs.)

Phoebe: Now, we can kick anybody’s ass!

Rachel: Yeah!

Ross: After one class? I don’t think so.

Rachel: What? You wanna see me self-defend myself?! Go over there (points) and pretend you’re a sexual predator! Go on! I dare ya!!

Ross: Well, of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, that’s not enough. Look, I studying kara-tay for a long time, and there’s a concept you should really be familiar with. It’s what the Japanese call (he holds two fingers up to his temple, and he does this every time he says this word) unagi.

Rachel: Isn’t that a kind of sushi?

Ross: No, it’s a concept!

Phoebe: Yeah it is! It is! It’s freshwater eel!

Ross: All right, maybe it means that too…

Rachel: Ohh! I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now!

Ross: Y’know what? Fine! Get attacked! I don’t even care!

Phoebe: (deadpan) Come on Ross. We’re sorry. Please tell us what it is.

Ross: Unagi is a state of total awareness. Okay? Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you!

Phoebe: You mean in case someone is trying to steal your bamboo sleeping mat or your kettle of fish?

(Rachel laughs and Ross mocks her.)

Ross: (moves closer) All I’m saying is, it’s one thing being prepared for an attack against like each other; whole another story being prepared for an attack, I don’t know, like a (turns and puts his face close to Rachel’s and screams) surprise!!

(Rachel calmly wipes the spittle off her face.)

Ross: All right, you know that one was coming, but that doesn’t mean you have unagi. (Does the finger thing.)

Rachel: (To Phoebe) Ooh! Y’know what? If we made reservations, we could have unagi in about a half-hour.

[Scene: The Hallway between the Apartments, Ross is hiding behind that bump out on Monica’s side waiting for Phoebe and Rachel. As they come up the stairs, he jumps out and yells…]

Ross: DANGER!!! DANGER!!!!!

(They both scream and jump away.)

Phoebe: Ross!!!

Rachel: What the hell was that?!

Ross: A lesson in the importance of unagi. (He starts doing the finger thing every time now.)

Phoebe: Ohh, you’re a freak!!

Ross: Perhaps. Now I’m curious, at what point during those girlish screams would you have begun to kick my ass?

Rachel: All right, so we weren’t prepared!

Ross: I’m sorry I had to take such drastic measures to make my point, but I—look, I just want you guys to be safe. (Monica comes out to throw out the garbage and Ross screams…) DANGER!!!!! (She completely ignores him and keeps walking.) Ahhh, huh? Unagi.

[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming in from doing his laundry. He starts folding it as Chandler enters.]

Chandler: Hey.

Ross: (not turning around) Chandler. I sensed it was you.

Chandler: What?!

Ross: Unagi. I’m always aware.

Chandler: Okay, are you aware unagi (does the finger thing) is an eel?

Ross: What’s up?

Chandler: I can’t figure out what to make Monica.

Ross: Oh, why don’t you make her one of your little jokes.

Chandler: I’m going crazy! Okay? Do you have any thing around here that looks homemade?

Ross: Y’know what? She’d-she’d love this. (Picks up a model of the Saturn V rocket, that’s the one that took man to the moon.) Uh, it’s an exact replica of Apollo 8. I made it in the sixth grade.

Chandler: Yeah, I guess I could use that. I could say that your love sends me to the moon.

Ross: Yeah-yeah, except Apollo 8 didn’t actually land on the moon. But you-you-you could write that umm, your love lets me orbit the moon twice and return safely. (Apollo 8 was the first one that orbited the moon and the one that read the Christmas Story from the orbit of the moon on Christmas Eve, 1968. They also took the famous Earthrise picture of the Earth rising over the moon.)

Chandler: Wait a minute, I can’t give this to her.

Ross: Why not?

Chandler: Because it says "Captain Ross" on the side and "I hate Monica" on the bottom.

Ross: Oh.

(Chandler leaves dejectedly. When the door closes Rachel and Phoebe jump out from behind the curtains and scream…)

Phoebe and Rachel: DANGER!!!!!

(Ross screams like a little girl.)

Rachel: Ahhhhh, salmon skin roll. (She does the finger thing.)

[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are returning.]

Phoebe: Pat Sajak?

Rachel: Yep!

Phoebe: Alex Trebek?

Rachel: Oh, of course!

Phoebe: Chuck Woolery?

Rachel: Definitely! Phoebe, you will not find a single game show host, who’s ass I cannot kick.

(They start to walk into the living room and notice someone’s head sticking up from behind a chair. The camera cuts to the other side and we see it’s Ross.)

[Time lapse. The girls have Ross pinned face down. Phoebe is sitting on his back and arms while holding his head down and facing Rachel. Rachel is sitting on his knees and holding his lower legs vertically, causing Ross pain.]

Rachel: Say it!

Phoebe: Say we are unagi!

Ross: It’s not something you are! It’s something you have!

Rachel: Say it!

Ross: Y’know what? I can easily get out of this, but there is a chance you can get very, very hurt!

(Rachel yanks on his legs again and he groans in pain.)

[Scene: The street in front of Central Perk, Ross is walking up and sees two women that look like Phoebe and Rachel from behind.]

Ross: Ah-ha, nowhere to run! (He starts to run towards them.)

[Cut to Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are sitting up by the window because two guys have their couch.]

Rachel: I don’t like sitting up here! I’m just gonna over… (She starts to get up.)

Phoebe: (stopping her) No Rachel! They got here first!

(Ross appears at the window behind them crouched behind a garbage can and ready to spring his attack on who he thinks are Phoebe and Rachel. The camera cuts to the exterior view and Phoebe and Rachel call the shots from inside.)

Phoebe: Why is Ross doing that?

Ross: DANGER!!!!

Rachel: Oh my God! Why is he jumping on those women!

Phoebe: We should help him!

Rachel: I… Well, I don’t think they need any help.

(Ross starts to scream and run away. He stops in front of the window of Central Perk to check the pursuit and notices Phoebe and Rachel inside looking at him. He mouths, "What?" Then realizes that the women he attacked are closing in so he screams and runs away.)